Why not having a birth plan might be the right plan:

Throughout my antenatal classes, the importance of having a birth plan was stressed. Not simply by the Midwife teaching the class, but also by all the friends I spoke to who already have kids. Being an extremely organised person, I was glad to take this advice to heart, mainly because it involved the word ‘plan’. I reckon we are all slightly obsessive compulsive when it comes to organising the details of life at the moment. I see it as a very good thing - we have to be to keep track of everything. So the idea of being able to have some semblance of control over the birth of my firstborn child seemed like a very good idea.

But bear with me a second. For the very reason that I am something of a control freak, my ever-patient husband and I had already spent a large part of the pregnancy convincing me that here was one thing I simply could not control. Producing a child is an awesome act of nature – and a time when nature shows us all that she is very much in charge. Even if we plan to have an elective caesarean, which provides the reassurance of a date and time; the baby might decide to arrive before then.  So, with no small effort, I had come to accept that getting pregnant, being pregnant, and giving birth are the start of a process over which I have no control. And that that is a good thing. And truthfully it was something of a relief, being part of something so much more powerful than my will.

Learning about my options, and thinking about how I wanted the birth to progress; which, if any, pain relief drugs I wished to take during the labour, which medical procedures I was comfortable being used on myself and my child, who I would like with me in the room, etc. was a great thing. I certainly don’t think we should go blindly into labour. But the emphasis on a written birth plan in antenatal classes, in society, and online in forums and apps perhaps encourages us to falsely believe we have a greater element of control during the labour stages and birth than we actually do.

I, who have very happily planned every event in my adult life, had to accept that our daughter was going to be 10 days late. We assumed she would make an appearance at some point following the due date. But she didn’t. So I was induced. I didn’t dilate following the induction – not by even 1 centimetre. Our daughter’s heart rate then bottomed out, so I was rushed to emergency caesarean. I couldn’t have foreseen any of this – and it certainly would not have made it onto my birth plan for the ideal scenario. But her arrival – a perfectly healthy, screaming baby, was still the most amazing experience of my life.

Perhaps birth plans should be designed to help us stop our compulsive planning, and just be. That’s how we’ll learn to find joy in every moment of life, not simply where we have planned for it to be.

Jen Dobbie pictured with her little girl Rosie.  

Jen is a freelance copywriter.

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