Australia – by Germany:

Just when we thought the world might have forgotten that cringeworthy cartoon surfing kangaroo that one of Football Federation Australia’s (FFA) German consultants created to promote their failed World Cup Bid to the world in December 2010. Here it is in case you had forgotten....

Our national symbol has made another less-than-inspiring appearance in the 2012 Olympic Games uniforms.

At yesterday’s unveiling, the Australian Olympic Committee and adidas gave us the Southern Cross, stencilled kangaroos, ruched tracksuit pants and, of course, the omnipresent challenge of getting the right mix of green and gold.  Coincidentally – just like FFA’s cartoon surfing kangaroo - our Olympic Games outfits were also designed in Germany. 

As the Fashion Editor for The Australian, Damien Woolnough, put it:  “The Australian team could be headed to a 1990s Manchester rave rather than swinging London, with green hoods on gold jackets, voluminous tracksuit pants and clashing strips of neon.”

Project Runway mentor and fashion designer, Alex Perry, didn’t hold back:  “I hope we have a well trained team as these outfits are not going to win any medals.”

Lorna Jane Clarkson, who owns the active women’s range known as Lorna Jane, was not quite as critical stating that she preferred the green and white combination with yellow used as “a pop of colour”.

But according to adidas, functionality is the key – and the team will be “faster, stronger and cooler that ever before” (to borrow from the Olympics motto of ‘faster, higher, stronger’) thanks to new and advanced technologies.  They are lighter in weight, can stay cooler because of special use of fabrics and ventilation zones and sport-specific compression suits mirror the movement of the muscle.  Some female athletes who have been lobbying for change to reduce “the perve factor” of their uniforms are also happy, with looser fitting clothing now available. 

By way of contrast, Britain’s uniforms were manufactured by adidas but designed by the stellar Stella McCartney in a depiction of Union Jack inspired ‘cool Britannia’.

However, even McCartney’s designs were received to mixed reviews for not including enough red and favouring blue and white.  McCartney also consulted athletes in putting together her range and she has earned plaudits from them, but criticism from others including sports psychologists. 

A recently published paper co-authored by Professor Robert Barton of the University of Durham suggests that athletes who wear red are more likely to win.  By using blue as the dominant colour in the Team GB uniforms, Professor Barton is of the view that the home team will win fewer medals.

If this thesis is true, one wonders how Australia – who opts to play in green and gold rather than the red, white and blue of the flag – ever wins anything, but also begs the question would we win more medals if we played in the colours of our flag?

But sports trainers believe the psychologists may have got this one wrong.

“Medals are won because athletes spend years and years training, not because of the colours they wear.

“That is why the adidas approach to functionality is the right one, even if it doesn’t look good,” the conditioning coach of an AFL team (that doesn’t wear red) told motherpedia.

As for the fashionistas? 

With Olympic outfits under increased scrunity with every games, perhaps the Australian Olympic Committee could have approached Perry, Akira Isogawa, Lisa Ho, Marc Newson or a host of others to work with adidas to get the right fusion of fashion, form and function – Australian style.

Oh well, there’s always Rio.