Would you know if your child was the school bully? Psychologist Jodie Benveniste says most parents don't - until they get a call from their child's school.
"That's often the first time you hear about it because you're not there to observe the behaviour," she has told the Herald Sun.
Youth worker and school chaplain Nigel Lane told the newspaper in his experience parents are usually in "total shock" or "total denial" when they learn their child is a bully.
He said the tell-tale signs parents can look for, include very aggressive behaviour towards siblings, talking aggressively and negatively about other children and coming home with money or items that don't belong to them.
Lane, who has written several books and is working on another about how to recognise a bully, says most parents eventually accept there is a problem.
"Generally I say to parents that the first thing they should do is listen. Listen to the accusation, don't deny and ignore it," he told the Herald Sun.
"Then do exactly the same with your child. Sit down with your son or daughter and just listen. Ask broad questions, such as, 'School gave me a ring today to tell me something happened at lunch time, what was it?' rather than saying, 'You're a bully', which could make them defensive."
Lane says this "gentle" approach is more likely to bring out the truth or a version close to it. It's time for consequences if the bullying continues. But it's vital the child is not punished aggressively - physically or verbally. "If you aggressively deal with it, you're perpetuating the behaviour," Lane warns.
"Withdrawing them from an anticipated event or writing a letter of apology to the kid, or getting them to sit and think about it is how I'd handle it."
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