“Feeling proud is one of the most satisfying experiences for a parent. When a baby begins to show their independence by achieving milestones – it’s the ultimate reassurance that 1) baby is content and happy and 2) that mum and dad are doing a good enough job. Basically it’s these two points that tend to generate the most anxiety/worry for parents, and so when a milestone is reached – it’s extremely exciting” said Leanne Hall, Clinical Psychologist and BabyLove spokesperson.
We all want our little ones to grow independent, but what are the boundaries we need to set? We spoke with Leanne Hall further about finding the right balance:
Motherpedia: Parents tend to be overprotective about their kids - and that's normal because no one wants their child to get hurt. But, we also know that we need to teach children independence. How do parents set boundaries? What is "too much"?
Leanne Hall: Firstly, parents need to be aware of their own anxiety (which can manifest as being overcautious and overprotective). Sometimes we need to let our kids make mistakes and "fall" in order to learn. A baby’s first steps are a moment of joy for parents and were listed as the most important infant milestone in a new survey* by comfy nappy brand, BabyLove. It is all too often that the parent can get caught up in the overwhelming emotion of their child beginning to move that they forget to give the child some independence in figuring it out themselves. The aim is to keep it developmentally appropriate. If your child is learning to walk - letting them fall is one thing, but letting them walk down stairs unsupervised is not developmentally appropriate.
Secondly, if your child has an argument with another child in the playground and letting them sort it out for themselves can nurture self-mastery and independence. However if the child in question is much bigger, or if the argument becomes physical - then it's time to intervene! Children need to feel safe and protected. If these two conditions are met, then children can feel free to exercise their independence.
Motherpedia: How can parents effectively teach their children independence? Are there any tips that you can share?
Leanne Hall: As above - it's important to ensure they feel safe. With young children, this may mean that they can see you are close by. It's also important not to do too much too soon. In each situation, work step by step - rather than launching into letting them do something completely on their own, if previously they have been completely dependent on you. An example is getting dressed. Instead of insisting they do it ALL on their own, perhaps let them do the basics while you help with things like buttons, tying shoe laces etc. It is also important to always make sure you praise your child when they do something on their own for the first time! Even if they made mistakes and didn't get it quite right. Reward effort and not results.
*The BabyLove research was conducted by Colmar Brunton in April 2016 and is based on a sample of 1,052 Australian mums.
ABOUT THE EXPERT
Leanne Hall is the BabyLove spokesperson and a clinical psychologist with 20 years’ experience, specialising in parenthood nutrition and fitness. Focused on prevention, self-nurturing, and sustainable health, Leanne has been transforming the lives of her patients, motivating them to achieve a healthy and well-balanced lifestyle; using a combination of positive psychology and “mindfulness” techniques, holistic nutrition and fitness coaching.
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